Apple-scented toilet paper, cigarette-flavored cookies, 184 Roubles, soccer games, and eggs.

I guess the title pretty well sums up what this entry will be about.  Let’s start with the first topic: apple-scented toilet paper.  One could take this innovation in bathroom technology in a variety of ways but let’s just say that, for the record, what a…not so bad idea.  Don’t be fooled, it’s not only apple, but a variety of aromatic essences to choose from such as mango, orange, and even fresh mountain stream.  I feel that every American should jump on the toilet with the fragrant confidence that Russia offers.  I offer this slice of novelty Russia an A+.

On to the second category: cigarette-flavored cookies.  In reality, this is probably not a completely fair or accurate description of the true situation but let me put it this way…have you ever eaten a cookie that gave you a distinct aftertaste of a freshly smoked tobacco stick?  Being a morning coffee drinker I have to have something to snack on or my stomach gets upset.  For the past couple weeks I have been buying new breakfast treats to complement my coffee.  They have all been fantastic except for the package I opened yesterday.  What seemed to be perfectly delicious cookies/breakfast biscuits turned out to taste like South Carolina.  After indulging in a single cookie I thought perhaps it was a faulty breakfast biscuit and quite surely the next one would redeem its predecessor and get the tar taste out of my mouth.  I was thoroughly disappointed when I finished the second one and felt like I’d been a chain smoker for 40 years.  I gagged, slightly, and threw the rest of the package into the garbage feeling both disgusted and somewhat sad for now having nothing to munch with coffee.  Don’t let this scare you if you desire a Russian cookie.  Everything has been great.  In fact, I almost don’t want to blame the brand.  Perhaps circumstance had it that Vladimir Vladimirovich accidentally dropped his cigarette into this batch as he was distraught over his recent divorce.  I’ll maybe give them another try after a few months.

184 Roubles.  Word.  I’ve taken up the street life.  A brief walk down the main stretch in town will delight you with various musicians trying to make a few Roubles by playing their instruments.  For a while now I’ve wanted to work the streets and see if I have what it takes.  Sure enough, I took my guitar out on a bright fall day around four o’clock.  I’m not going to lie.  I put a couple Roubles into the open guitar case to make it look like I had least something.  However, after the first couple minutes several sparkling pieces of change came flying through the air to find their way in my guitar case.  A little later a drunken Kazakh man offered me a cigarette, which I respectfully declined, and proceeded to freestyle over my guitar.  Although funny at first, he ruined my business.  People didn’t want to be around us and I didn’t really know how to break it to him.  So, I patiently smiled and waited until he left.  I was back on the grind.  It seems cool that you could earn money playing music on the street but after a while, your hands start to hurt and you keep coming back to the same riffs that you notice people give you money for.  After an hour and a half I retired but not completely by myself.  A rather intoxicated lady asked me if I could esquire her to the nearest bathroom.  I felt honored that a fellow Russian would put so much trust into my navigational skills in Stavropol.  Luckily we were close to a toilet that I walk by every day.  In fact, it’s the only public toilet in Stavropol that I know so she was lucky.  Long story short, 184 Roubles and pride bonus for toilet location knowledge.

The last one seems like it should be exciting but it wasn’t totally the case.  I went to a soccer game yesterday.  FK Dynamo Stavropol.  Let’s just say the most exciting part of the game was when a player tripped over himself with the ball and faceplanted.  Other interesting things at the game include the dude next to me eating dried fish, a wonderful aroma that lasted the whole game, and the beloved drunken fan who yelled the same thing over and over again for 90 minutes.  Anyway, it was fun to go nonetheless and I’m excited for the World Cup to be here in 2018.  Go Rassiya.

Oh yeah, the last topic.  Eggs. They’re great here.  The best I’ve had.  Eat them if you come to Stavropol.

Lenin's Statue at...Lenin's Square

FK Dynamo Stavropol

yup.

My City

Who would’ve thought that the weather in Russia in mid-September could be so pleasant?  However, don’t be fooled.  I am about as far south as you can go in Russia without chillin in Chechnya or climbing over the Caucasus mountains to say hello to my friends in Georgia or Armenia.  It so turns out that I am on the same parallel as Minneapolis, MN.  The difference is that I am flanked on either side by the Black and Caspian seas.  It’s actually warmer than Minneapolis could ever hope to be in the winter.  Having said all this, it is nice to feel the fall season again.  I haven’t felt one since fall 2009.  The leaves are changing and a brisk wind whips through the air, carrying with it the smell of autumn. 

              

Stavropol is a beautiful city full of wooded parks, towering churches, and Soviet monuments.  A leisurely stroll through the city center will treat you to a variety of modern shops and the smell of spiced kebabs, beer, and fresh fruit.  Dispersed throughout the modern city are reminders of the Soviet past as well as the grandeur of Russian Orthodox churches.  The sun gleaming off the domes of the largest church in the city can be viewed from my windows.  It has been under construction for a few years, as it is being rebuilt since it was completely destroyed in WWII.  Not too far from the church a giant monument of the famous Soviet “Unknown Soldier” guards a scenic outlook facing north that displays the beauty of the forested city.  The Unknown Soldier represents a piece of the soul of the Russian people and the sacrifices that they made in defending their country in WWII.  The Soviet Union lost nearly 26 million people during that time.  A couple more minutes of walking through town you can see Lenin’s square, boasting a statue of the man himself.  In the immediate area around Lenin’s square you can see an array of gardens, parks, and even a soccer stadium.  FK Stavropol is the soccer team here.  It’s pretty small but the first game is on the 18^th of September and I plan to go.   All in all, I’m glad I chose to come to a smaller-sized town with a distinct sense of Russian soul.  You can view the pictures to see what I’m talking about!

              

I started my Job this week and it’s somewhat too early to make a complete assessment about it.  However, so far, I love it.  The kids (and adults) are great and eager to learn.  It feels good to be back.  I will post something next week about the job when I know more.  As always the president’s superior Judo techniques and unmatchable mystique will crush any dreams you had of being cool.  Check out this link to see what I mean: http://www.theatlantic.com/infocus/2011/09/vladimir-putin-action-man/100147/

Recollection

Ok, so I’ve lost track of the days but here’s what I can compile from the last couple few.  I actually had to stay another night and day in Moscow, as my train bound for Stavropol was intended to pass through Ukraine.  This was a problem, however, as I do not have a visa for Ukraine and, more importantly, I do not have multiple-entry visa for Russia (it’s only a single-entry visa).  I immediately booked a different train that stayed in Russia.  It could have been a huge problem but it actually worked out great to stay in Moscow for another day.  I got to do a lot of things I wouldn’t have done otherwise, at least, not until the next time in Moscow. 

Don’t get me wrong, Red Square was one of the most amazing sights I’ve ever visited and I’d recommend it for anyone traveling to Moscow, but I think the convent at Novidevichy was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen.  Just a couple metro stops from Red Square, the convent was full of towering steeples washed in gold surrounded by cool green gardens.  I spent a good hour in a place that could be walked in two minutes.  It was a place unlike any other.  I’ll let the pictures speak for themselves.  After reluctantly leaving the convent, I took a trip to the nearby cemetery where I saw numerous famous Russian poets, writers, comedians, politicians, etc.  Yelstin and Gorbachev’s wife were among the graves.  By this time, I was extremely tired from walking around so I decided to stop by a Georgian restaurant on the way to the metro.  It turned out to be an awesome decision.  I ate some Georgian Borsch along with…I honestly can’t remember the name but I have a picture of it…  Basically, it was a pita-like bread filled with goat cheese and butter. Not too bad.  In fact, the opposite of horrible. 

After the extra day in Moscow, I was ready to take the 32-hour train ride south to Stavropol.  I hopped on the metro bound for the train station.  What can I really say about Russian trains? Not too bad.  What can I really say about Russian toilets?  Nothing that hasn’t already been said about Afghanistan.  The Russian train was a decent experience.  I had my own bed and area and that was good enough for me.  The time flew by and I ended up meeting my cabin mates from Syria.  My Russian language skills are pretty horrible but it was nice to be able to speak to someone on the train.  It was somewhat of a bizarre experience, speaking Arabic on a Russian train.  I guess all that Morocco B.S. was worth something…Bottom line, I’m mildly impressed with Russian trains, and hey, they’re right on time!

That’s all for now.  I’ve already arrived in Stavropol and moved into my flat.  So far everything looks great but it’s too early to tell.  All I can tell you is that my apartment is much nicer than I thought it would be and I have a crystal clear view of a new gold-tipped Russian church outside my window.  Word. Remember, the president could beat your ass with mad judo techniques.

First couple days in Moscow

Upon arrival to the airport, the airline had lost my luggage and I had to deal with them for about 2 hours until I actually got all my stuff.  Then I found out that my debit card was denied.  I had 50 dollars on me so I exchanged that and hoped it would be enough.  I had to take an express train from the airport to Moscow city center for 45 minutes.  Upon arrival, I went down into the maze that is the Moscow Metro.  There is absolutely no English anywhere in the Metro and each stop is not even marked in Russian!  You literally have to the count the number of stops based on where you think you are located.  It took me a bit but I figured it out.  When I got out of the Metro at Pushkinskaya I had a map out looking like a total tourist.  A woman stopped to help me and after a few minutes of speaking with here I found out she was from Stavropol, the city where I will be teaching 32 hours south of Moscow.  She walked me straight to the hostel, gave me her number, and told me that she could help me if I have any problems getting to Stavropol.  She also has a brother there that she said could give me advice.  So that was how I got here; I basically lucked out.  I'm glad I can read Russian or else I would've been stuck in the Metro for a while.


It's hard to describe Moscow in a blog, especially since it's unlike anything I've ever seen.  Walking through the streets these past couple days I don't really know what to compare it to.  It is strikingly unique and unmatched in grandeur.  Everything you see here is awesomely majestic.  Walking to the Red Square was something that I have dreamed of since I was young.  Strolling through the square, I admired the spectacular architecture of Muscovite Russia.  St. Basil's cathedral 10x cooler than any pictures you've seen of it.  It looks like a candy/ice cream palace that you could eat with a spoon.  All of the architecture was awesome but I have to say that the most interesting thing I've done thus far is visit the tomb of Lenin.  His body is preserved and embalmed for all of the public to see.  He has been chillin in the preserved container since 1924.  Having said that, he looks pretty good! After that, I walked around the city center seeing numerous Orthodox churches and monuments until i was too tired to walk. Today, I will try to visit more sites and see more of the city.  It's too much to take in and I won't be able to visit it all.  I will be back to Moscow for sure.

I leave for Stavropol, where I will be teaching for a year, today at 9:45pm.  It's a 32-hour train ride south. Yeah, it's that far from Moscow.  More late and remember, Putin knows Judo.